LEARNING TO RELY ON THE WORD OF GOD
When I was hit with Covid, it lasted for two weeks and a half of fever, join pain and anguish, and then left me speechless for coherent talking for about an extra week,
I was outspoken before about forceful vaccination, discrimination due to vaccine status, and as always, I never took much care of myself regarding the virus as most people do. I never looked for it, and I never encountered it. But it seems the devil requested the Lord to shake me hard to see me fall.
On Sunday the 7th of November of 2021, a young preacher, member of our small Christian community, contracted covid while preaching in the CBD and was casting out demons from possessed people. His father was concerned, and were in need of prayer and support, not segregation. That Sunday after the service, we prayed for them, and on Monday afternoon, I started feeling sick.
It did not come to me by fooling around, or doing anything else but by doing the Will of God, Jesus, who never ran away from sick people, because it was against the love He felt for them. I did the same, fulfilling the pastoral duties of an elder brother, because I serve the same Lord, Jesus of Nazareth. But I fell sick, and the struggle started.
I had always in my anti-vaccine speech, said not to force the vaccine on people, but to segregate us if we were thought of being high risk; and to deny us medical attention, and that would be enough. Well, I never requested help, and was neither offered to me, even when they came to take my mother to hospital, when she was officially diagnosed with the Covid I pass her a week after. But knowing that I had the sickness, they never even offered to help in anyway. Just for the record.
So, I was left alone in the house for a week, which seemed endless.
The Covid variant I got is nicknamed in Australia, as the ‘Dog’s tail’ syndrome. It takes longer than the usual two week, sometimes even up to 6 weeks; and comes and goes, it is not a steady process, with constant high temperature.
In 30 years, I never got sick. Not even a cold. But this time, it hit me hard. High temperature started and it came full blown by Tuesday evening. I wasn’t able to continue working, so I stopped my newly started business, since I was banned from work for being unvaccinated and forbidden by the government to be employed again until I comply. I was truly left without income.
Then Satan kicked in:
1 – The fevers became constant, as the lack of energy, mental confusion and join pain and spasms took over. As well as the lost of appetite and smell, which ended up casing a 30 kilos weight loss, eating just an apple or a banana a day.
During the day, I could not sleep, and during the night, even when I was exhausted to the max. Two voices came to my head, trying to induce me to renegade my Lord Jesus and his faith.
Satan always tries to reason with me. To seduce me to his cause, then later uses passions to still induce me to follow. I know his tricks for more than 30 years. It has not changed his system with me in so many decades. Or maybe GOD does not allow it.
But this time the voices suggested that I was wrong, that God had destroyed my work because it was evil, and that I was going to Hell. Then I said, what was evil about it?. We pray, we read the Word of God, and celebrate the Lord’s Supper, and we did it because the Churches had closed their doors on people, and were acting more like a government department than the Church of God. What was evil about it?
2 – Then softly the voices started telling me that I was going to die. That my life was going to be cut short because I wasted my life in Bible college and preaching in internet, instead of really serving God as I should have. And a ‘peaceful’ feeling came over me, trying to make me feel that really Jesus never existed, that God is a concept pass human understanding that I will find in the other life. To just surrender to it and let myself be taken there.
To this, I became alarmed in my dreams. I said, what was wrong with studying the Word of God? Had not I learned a lot since I started 7 years ago, knowing that there was no money in it and was only used to serve the Kingdom of God? And wasn’t I preaching in internet because I was banned from the Anglican Church as a minister forever for refusing women ordination, and so other churches did too? It wasn’t my choice.
And furthermore, how could I feel peace by denying Christ? That will be eternal damnation. To this, I said in my dream, “You are a liar Satan”, and waking up I yelled in a loud voice:
“JESUS CHRIST, SON OF GOD, YOU ALONE I KNOW AS MY GOD AND MY LORD, YOUR FATHER YHWH IN HEAVEN, WHOM YOU LET ME KNOW, AND YOUR HOLY SPIRIT. I DON’T KNOW IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ME NOW, OR IF I WILL PASS YOUR JUDGEMENT OR NOT. I ONLY WANT TO TELL YOU THAT IF I DIE TONIGHT THAT I LOVE YOU, AND THAT I HAVE ONLY WORSHIPPED YOU TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITIES ALL MY LIFE, AND TO FORGIVE MY SINS. AND I CONFESS YOU AS MY ONLY LORD AND MASTER, AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER. THESE ARE MY LAST WORDS FOR YOU, I DIE LOVING YOU”
Immediately the voices stopped for the night, and I slept for the first time in days.
3 – In the third opportunity, I started losing air in my breathing. After a week and a half. I was alone, and that is what I feared the most. That night the voices came back and told me how a friend said two years ago that if I ever got Covid, I was going to die because I was fat, and that will kill me in three days. Maybe God made me suffered these days because of my sins, and that now He will kill me by cutting my air supply and die like Satanist do, in asphyxia, because I was predestined to Hell all along. And that I will do well in killing myself before that unbearable suffering came upon me, and die insulting that ungrateful God.
All consumed by fear, I dreaded asphyxia and thought about Ridley and all the Reformation saints who died burning and drowned in water, and I prayed to God in anguish and at the border of desperation to please give me the strength I needed to support that suffering. And suddenly in days, I heard a heavenly voice repeating the word of the Bible:
“God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear” (1Corinthians 10:13)
Then I started crying and said in dream like state, Where are you my Lord? Why do you leave me alone with these two voices? Where are you in this suffering? The same voice that mentioned the Bible verse, who was not God, since I know his voice, said to me: “He is watching. He knows. Be strong”.
After that, my son called me that morning, telling me that he was going to bring me Ventolin, since allergy levels were high for the last three days. I never had problems with the breathing after that night.
FINALLY, the voices, after tormenting me with many more thoughts, but been the ones I mentioned the worse ones; left me on Wednesday early morning, around 5 o’clock am. The Virus had gone from my system, like it came it left. It was not gradual. It was sudden. Then strength came back to my body and certain coherence in speech and movement. I prayed to God more calmed, Why were you not by my side Lord? Is it because of my pride? Where were you all along?
The Heavenly voice now came up, and said:
“God is being watching you all along. He has fed you, and protected you from death and loss of air; and now you know more about death than before, and it is real, use it”
The business had deposited the money. Some donor had deposited money without a name in my bank account, and my children had been close to me bringing me food every day, all after my mother left for hospital.
I know now more than ever, that JESUS is there always, and with Him, the whole Trinity. And even when things go seriously wrong, God is there watching over you. Even when all seems lost, He is in control totally. And when we pray, even when it seems that He is not listening, He is there, listening in silence, but you are NEVER beyond from his protection.
Finally, all came back to normal. And my faith became stronger, and my soul in good condition.
I went through this nightmare they call Covid, with prayer, Bible reading, and Hot tea, lemon and honey, and Codral for the pain. NOTHING ELSE.
Do I still reject the vaccine? YES.
Do I need the Medical assistance? NO.
Like in one occasion when the two voices said to me: “Pray to mother Mary, she will help you, then Jesus will listen”. And I said to them: “I love Jesus. If He wants me, He will talk to me; and if He doesn’t, I don’t want anyone’s help but His alone”.
I learned that sometimes life can be all confusing and complicated. That not even our emotions or logic can be trusted. BUT THE BIBLE is always there, to clearly show us the Will of God on a matter, any matter, pass beyond our personal emotions and shortcomings.
I also learned even more, the only two times I heard my Lord JESUS’s voice saying:
“ANYONE THAT COMES TO ME, I NEVER SEND AWAY”
Melbourne, 1 December 2021.